Creating Boundaries to Move Through Grief

Distraction, depression, and detachment in grief.

Originally published at Psychology Today

KEY POINTS

• In grief, distraction, depression, and detachment play off one another and can feel all-consuming.
• A persistent inability to focus is a normal part of grief and feels different from everyday forgetfulness.
• There is an opportunity to explore the self and understand more profound parts of the psyche in the dance with grief.

“Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can’t deal, it’s so unfair

And it feels, and it feels like
Heaven’s so far away
And it feels, yeah, it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you’ve gone away”

(The Offspring — Gone Away)

It’s surprising at times, but grief shows up in protective ways alongside your feelings of pain and confusion. We’ve seen in previous posts the influence of our emotional armor and role confusion as we encounter yet another transition.

The whirlwind of the features of distraction, depression, and detachment is a cycle that feels all-consuming. They play off each other: distraction and detachment increase, and depression, therefore, may also intensify. Should depression rise, you may notice that distractibility and a tendency toward detaching increase in tandem.