Dealing With Grief Daily
The disappointments carried within our souls are all part of a grief phenomenon. We are dealing with grief all the time, daily. Depression, anxiety, and even obesity can be in response to a loss and at the same time, cause a grief reaction. The thing is, no one talks about how present grief is in our daily lives. The silence occurs because few people know how to talk about the phases of grief. The subject of grief is taboo! Don’t talk about it! Much like the conversation about mental illness. Avoidance seems to be the best coping mechanism.
It is the inherent need to deny that prevents this important conversation. The disappointments and rejections are the Little G’s (griefs), while the loss of a limb and the death of a loved one is a Big G.
There is no beginning, middle and end to how we grieve. Grieving is as unique as a fingerprint. The grief process needs to be thought of like a dance. The dance of your grief will sometimes feel like you are doing the twist, or the Lindy or some disjointed movement that makes absolutely no sense. When the relationship to the grief shifts, the dance is smoother and transforms the grief into grace.
This fresh new perspective of learning to dance with grief allows for fluid movement in and out of the different phases of grief.
Here is an exercise for life’s Big Griefs and Little Griefs:
1. Start by thinking about what or who is being grieved. What is the relationship to what or who was lost?
2. Identify the emotions that are felt in the grief process. Write them down on a piece of paper. Some emotions that may be felt are: “I feel deadened, I feel void of feelings, I am angry, I am desperate, I am relieved, I feel lost, I feel scared” etc.
3. Next to each of these experiences, write down the coping skills used to handle each one. Has it worked in the past? If that skillset works- Great! If not, then think about the needs associated to each of the feelings. Are the feelings associated only with the grief or have they been around long before the current situation? How are the feelings soothed? Is there a better response? Is there movement in this emotion or does it tend to paralyze? If “I feel paralyzed” is something felt, then think about what emotion would ideally replace it? When replaced, even just on paper, the process of changing may begins. Do not try to hold to a standard of linear healing, for now just write.
This exercise can help in the creation of a grief journal and allows for a shifting of how you are dealing with grief. It changes the apathy and frustration from passive to active facing. You may find that your script changes as your grief does.
