Distraction as…an Ally?

Photo by Rubenz Arizta on Upsplash

The 3rd phase of grief is what I call the “3 D’s: Distraction, Depression, Detachment.” The three D’s often weave in and out and play off of one another. When feeling depressed, you might notice how prominent distraction and detachment are. They rumble loudly within the psyche, amplifying day-to-day frictions. Depression rarely shows up without a sense of being detached and distracted. Yet, distraction and detachment can exist by themselves too. They can show up to protect you from feeling or seeing what you are not yet ready to feel or see. However, the 3 D’s can also be an Ally in calibration.

One example is to take distraction and recognize how it moves from the Stuck Zone to the Ally Zone:

Distraction in the Stuck Zone sounds like:

- “My distraction keeps me from finishing tasks.”

- “It’s surprising how difficult it is to focus on work, family or other responsibilities beckoning to me.”

- “My brain keeps bringing me back to memories I’d rather forget.”

Distraction in the Ally Zone sounds like this:

- “Yes, I’m distracted. It helps me take a break when the overwhelm of feeling or engaging in tasks is too much to handle.”

- “I use all sorts of things to distract me. I love to have a glass of wine, or 2 or 3. Hah. Or I lose myself on the internet.”

From there, we move on to the Metamorphosis Zone:

- “Tasks will get done as long as I pace myself. I can use distractions as a buffer to help me set needed boundaries”

- “I have learned this about myself: I can pace what needs to be done.”