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What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Grieving
What did you say?!
When life’s Big Griefs strike, like the loss of a loved one, it’s rather unbelievable what comes out of the mouths of our closet allies and acquaintances. Discomfort, extreme fear around death, closeness (or the lack of closeness) can cause insensitive statements to be made.
Heightened sensitivity in the days, months and years following a loss is unavoidable. Grief is a social game-changer: Suddenly, simple interactions can cause big emotional and physical reactions. If you know someone in the throes of grief from the loss of a loved one, here are four things NOT to say.
Don’t say:
1. “They had a long life… a good life,” or “At least you had them in your life for a long time.”
The loss of a loved one, no matter what their age, is still a loss of the role they played in your life. If you were a caretaker, the loss of that role, along with the loss of your loved one, creates a dual loss. Somehow people believe this comment makes the loss understandable because the lost loved one lived into old age. Our elders can be our greatest teachers and confidants. The statement is filled with insensitivity and little understanding of the relational experience between elders and their children.
