When Children Grieve

What’s a parent or caregiver to do when death strikes?

By Edy Nathan

Originally published at Psychology Today

Grieving the death of a loved one is filled with complexities that are both personal and intimate. This is true for adults as well as for children. If your child is grieving there’s a good chance you are too. That’s part of why it can be hard to attend to your child in their grief.

The lyrics in the song, “Guernica”, tap into the feelings often felt by grieving parents or caregivers:

“If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin/ To your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt / But I am too weak to be your cure…”

Your brain on grief is different than your child’s brain on grief and though you want to be present, you may find it hard to give what is needed. That’s ok. Asking for help or support from another is a good teaching element for the child who is mourning.

What you can do is find a way into their language around grief.

The ability to gauge their reactions, while you’re also in the tide of managing your own grief, can be confusing, concerning and powerful. If you can, listen with your senses and see how the child communicates: Is it verbal or non-verbal…