Member-only story
When Your Father Didn’t Play the Role That You Needed
“I broke through the trees and there in the night
My father’s house stood shining hard and bright
The branches and brambles tore my clothes and scratched my arms
But I ran till I fell shaking in his arms”
From: My Father’s House by Bruce Springsteen
Grief can be complicated. The relationship between a father and child; and a grown adult child and Father is often complex. Father’s Day is especially hard for those whose fathers have had a negative impact on their lives. If your father was loving and modeled behavior worth emulating, you received a great gift. If your father was not present for you or wasn’t present the way you needed him to be, lacking integrity, purpose, or the ability to love, then Father’s Day may make you feel an intense loss, filled with memories of abandonment, or neglect, or make you feel nauseous. (That’s how the relationship with my Dad could make me feel.)
The memories can make old pain resurface, burning deep in your heart, often feeling as if the wound is re-opening every time. This is information for you. When wounds fester they are telling you to tend to them, nurse them, so they don’t continue to open.
